Love, D Va
by ImaginaryEngineer
Summary: Fending off people from the top of the gaming ladder was getting difficult. Hana thinks it's because she lacks sleep. To Angela, it's the result of an even bigger problem.


**Love, D. VA**

Hana Song Character Study.

Angela "Mercy" Zeigler POV.

Warnings: PTSD

 **Summary:** Fending off people from the top of the gaming ladder was getting difficult. Hana thinks it's because she lacks sleep. To Angela, it's just the cause of an even bigger problem.

* * *

"Hey Doc, how do you exactly do it?"

I didn't notice that someone walked into the med bay. It was a few minutes to midnight—that time where everyone would rather stay inside their rooms getting ready for a good night's rest. Well, most of them anyway.

"Hana!" She was leaning on the examination table, her eyes on me. "Do what exactly?"

"Like, t-try to get a good night's rest?"

She stuttered—one thing that Hana never does. She was the type of person who was always precise and accurate. In her words, any form of hesitation ruins her statistics. Her APM would suffer if she even doubts herself for a second. She needed to be number one. All of it was for herself and her fans. Nothing else.

Being recruited at Overwatch never changed that _gamer_ part of her. During missions, she streams, treating the task on hand like a game. At night, she retreats to her own room, locks herself in and continues to engorge in countless hours of who knows what game she's playing at the moment. The team barely sees her outside missions after she decides to cocoon herself around hundred thousand of viewers. She's still rambunctious. She's still cocky.

She's still D. Va.

But it all stops when the quiet takes over. I find it unsettling. The monitor leaves an empty glow once she shuts off her stream and the silence leaves her alone with her thoughts. It's barely noticeable. No one's supposed to see it—at least that's what she's trying to achieve. But recently, she slips, she could only hold out for so long.

The moment she logs off, Hana digresses into a dead silence for a full three to four hours sitting unconventionally on her gaming chair. No shuffling, no foots steps, not even a flicker of light. I've tried to talk to Jack about how off-putting this was especially with how frequently it's been happening but he dismissed it. _Children need their sleep,_ he told me assuming that Hana drifts into slumber. _Not our fault she sleeps on that chair right after she's done._

I beg to differ. I've caught her far too many times staring blankly at the monitor in the early morning.

"Is there anything wrong?" Maybe if I coerced her a little, she'll give me details on what's wrong.

She paused and bit her lip. "I've been missing sleep and I think I need more. I didn't get any this week and it's affecting my performance." She balled up her fist and started to furrow her brows. "I can't lose my rank. It's easier to stay on top now because there aren't any good players left but _I cannot afford to lose_."

Well, Hana's always been obsessed about _winning_.

"How many hours do you usually get?"

"I'm fine with two hours." Directing her gaze towards the ceiling, she started to count, trying to mentally recall how much she's actually getting. "Probably three or four on a good day."

I think I looked more shocked that I was supposed to because she was taken aback.

"I—It's cause stupid _granpa_ wakes us up with that stupid alarm for some stupid training!" My eyebrows furrowed at Hana's revelation. Human being do not function on a 2 hour-long sleep, let alone a teenager. "It's not as bad as it sounds I swear!" She put her hands up as if she was trying to calm me down. That didn't help, I was still alarmed with what I've heard. "I need the time to keep my rank up and keep my reaction times good! I can't sleep in on training or else I'll lose!"

She was always able to get a good amount of sleep despite of her gaming habits and it never bothered her up until now. There must've been something else.

"How long has this been going on?" Trying to act like a medical professional was surprisingly difficult, I sounded more like a concerned mother and I felt like it too. I wanted to _scold_ her. I wanted to grab her by her ear and drag her to her dorm and make her sleep. Hana was too young. She's supposed be getting 7 hours of it.

She shrugged her shoulders. By the looks of it, it's been going on for a long time. "Don't you have anything you can give me? Like a gas that can knock me out? Sleeping pills aren't working anymore."

I stopped my train of thought at the mention of sleeping pills. "Where have you been getting these?!" My question threw her off guard.

"I am not telling!"

"Hana. If you want me to give you any sort of medical advice, I suggest you give me the right information." Hana's stubbornness was hard to deal with. "At least tell me what the name of this pill was?"

"Fine," she huffed and crossed her arms.

"Not sure but the generic terms were Temazepam, Alprazolam, I can't remember the others." Why was she taking more than one pill? "But they don't work anymore." She's become immune to all of those? She's been doing pills for a long time! "Maybe I have insomnia? Can you prescribe me the meds to that?"

"Only in extreme cases do I prescribe insomnia medicines." I checked her eyes, thought about if she exhibit any symptoms but, "I don't think it is for your case." She might've tried to hide it but I could tell she was banking that her self-diagnosis would work on me. "Is there anything else that has been bothering you? Maybe Zaryanova's snoring keeping you up? I could talk to Jack about getting you into a different cabin. I know the top bunk of Fareeha's room is empty."

Hana grimaced at me. "Why on earth would you know that?"

I tried to salvage my slip by dismissing it. "That aside, I cannot get a proper diagnosis if you continue to be untruthful with me." Although she did a pretty good job trying to get me to think something else, I wouldn't risk it. I needed all the proof I could get before I even think of giving any sort of medication. "Now, it's either you tell me what's really happening with you or I'll pry it out of you."

"That's not very doctor-ly of you."

"Well, you aren't being very patient-ly either, _spatz_." Her eyes narrowed at my remark. "So, what really is bothering you?"

"Nothing's bothering me," she started to play around with the pieces of scrap paper by the counter she was leaning on. "It's really because I can't sleep and I need something to make me do just that."

"Something's causing you to stay awake, probably a distraction or a condition. No one _can't sleep_ just because they can't."

"Fine." She stopped fiddling with the paper and looked at me in the eye. She didn't want to continue. But by the looks of it, she's exhausted with whatever she's dealing with.

"I-it's something else."

I kept my eyes on her as she struggled to put together what she was going to say.

"Go on."

"I-I hear them." She sounded scared— _terrified_ even of her revelation. "When I'm not playing games or in my mech or we're training or those mission briefings and logs, I hear them."

I kept an open expression, encouraging her to continue.

"The noises from the real world keep me preoccupied. It drowns out the sound of the battle, the bullets, the explosions, th- _the screaming_ that goes on in my head. It helps me focus on what I'm doing because if I don't, I start to hear them again.

She paused and tried to look away. Her expression was something I was all too familiar with. Every soldier that's fought for the good of the country always paid a full price for it. To fight for a nations _better tomorrow_ always was at the cost of their own.

"The sleeping pills worked for a few months but now, even if I drink a lot, it doesn't work anymore. They've come back and I feel like I'm having nightmares." She closed her eyes. "But I'm wide awake."

It was heart breaking to know Hana's going through this.

"A-and it scares me." She could no longer fight back the tears brimming in her eyes— _desperate for a save._

"Oh Hana…" I couldn't help myself as I reached out to the crying teen and pulled her into an affectionate embrace.


End file.
